Reflection and Lessons of 2021

When I think back to the start of 2021 – I had an idea of how I thought things were going to go.  I was ready and planning to step away from coaching college swimming at Michigan.  For so many years,  I had a dream in the back of my mind to become a life coach and to support women in believing in themselves.  There was so much that I loved about college coaching – but there was so much I was frustrated with.

But so many of my frustrations have led me to clarity in my message and the work that I get to do with incredible women right now.

I think back to the beginning of last year.  We were in the midst of COVID… we were all continually struggling with what the rest of the season would look like.

How would Big Tens and NCAAs happen?  Walking into work sometimes felt like I was walking into the lion’s den – there was constant pressure to win, achieve and push.  I felt anxiety and experienced a lot of cognitive dissonance.  I was so ready to embody something different but felt like I had to be on board with things I disagreed with.  Slowing down meant really acknowledging all the shit that was happening.  Swimming was an escape but also a place where we AVOIDED reality and pushed away what we were all feeling deeply – anxiousness and uncertainty.  Humans aren’t great at that.

As I reflected on things and my life more deeply in the shutdowns of a pandemic, I felt like I was getting further away from the reason why I was in coaching in the first place and when I pushed back and challenged, and made to feel that my perspective was wrong.  That I was wrong.  I internalized so much, until one day I reached my own breaking point.

I knew my athletes felt the same types of pressures.  I could choose to be angry and bitter and pissed off – or I could let go with curiosity and understanding.  It’s really made me reflect on WHY we do things the way we do them – and I think at the highest levels, it is so easy to slip into scarcity and fear mindset…

We think we need to WIN more.  We think we need to ACHIEVE more.  We think that we need to DO more.

As coaches, and as athletes.  As "productive members of society."

But all too often this comes from a place of:

“I’m not okay without all the things. "

"I’m not enough as I am… I can’t possibly do things from a place of loving myself and loving my life… because I’m not okay with me."

Everyone is constantly telling you how you need to keep striving to be more.  How rarely do we really sit down and celebrate what we have already done?  Coaches unknowingly put this type of pressure on themselves and as an extension – on their athletes.

So now, I help women celebrate themselves, do less, and unwind all the pressure and unhealthy patterns that may have come from being an athlete or being in environments of high performance.

And with that, here’s my Top 10 lessons of 2021 – which have largely been a deepening into the unlearning of patterns I’ve been in for so many years of my life as an athlete and coach.

1. You can't control the things that happen in life, only how you respond.
2. Things turn out differently than you imagine them in your head - let go of knowing exactly how it will go.
   
   
3. Relationships matter.
   
   
4. Happiness isn't reached by achieving or reaching things outside of you - it's developed internally.
   
   
5. Nobody really gives a shit about your life choices - and if they do it's a projection of their own fear - so live your life FOR YOU.
   
   
6. You can disagree with people and their perspectives - and still love them.
   
   
7. You can move forward gracefully - holding onto anger and frustration of people the "wronged" you only hurts yourself.
   
   
8. Controlling your body weight and obsessing over what you look like will never lead to more happiness or confidence.
   
   
9. Compromising your authenticity because you don't want to have conflict with people is never worth it.
   
   
10. Everyone has struggles. Be kind and compassionate.
    
    

I challenge you to take some time to think about the lessons that 2021 has given you – so many of mind come from the struggles and challenges and obstacles I experienced.

How can you take these beautiful lessons into your life in 2022?

Happy New Year.